Last week I was filled with energy and new found confidence over jumps. I had found my zen. my happy place.
Today I am unhappy and I should be filled with joy! I won my rusty stirrups division this weekend, 2 Blues in Equitation on the Flat and Equitation over Fences and a second place in Equitation over Fences. I was cool and collected and absolutely not panicked at the show. I even rode my horse in the warm up, no one got on him before I did. I just got on and rode him, jumped a few fences and enjoyed myself.
But the day after mother's day, I'm sitting here furious, mad, sad and lonely...why you ask. Not because my horse mistook my foot for shavings and crushed it. Not because I spent part of mother's day in the ER checking out my foot and then laying in bed resting it.
I'm mad because my husband didn't take the time to get me a friggin' mother's day card. He didn't lift a finger for mother's day. Yes, he fed the kids when I went to the ER and he fed them dinner but he left all the dishes in the sink, didn't unload the dishwasher...thanks so kind of you to leave that for me to do that the next day. I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner although I was really tired from the painkillers, I couldn't sleep because I was too hungry.
He didn't have any lunch, brunch or dinner plans for the family. He didn't help the kids get mommy a mother's day gift. No flowers, nothing, nada, zip, zilch. In the past, we have gone out for Mother's Day Brunch. And he would get me flowers. The kids usually make me something at school to give me. Nathaniel had brought me a bag from school - we've lost it. But Natty is in on my good side. Emma quickly made me something in Sunday School.
And I shouldn't be so upset except he forgot me on Valentine's Day, too. Nothing from the kids and nothing from him. Granted Valentine's Day fell on Ash Wednesday, I get that a secular holiday gets trumped by Ash Wednesday but really nothing? I got him some cute red/white striped pants. I originally bought him a new suit but took it back because it was over the top. He has yet to wear those pants, so I will take them back. Nordstrom's is good about returning things.
We talked about him not doing anything for me on Valentine's several days afterwards. I told him it really upset me. He said he didn't think I was that into it because I had forgotten a wedding anniversary. He HAD forgotten the wedding anniversary! He didn't make any plans that night and he didn't ask me to get a babysitter for that night. I try not to have hurt feelings.
I ended up buying some pretty 14k gold earrings to make up for Valentine's Day. When we went on our spring break cruise, I bought a fantastic 14k gold Tinkerbell pendant. But I paid for it. I don't need his permission to spend my money!
My step son came into town for the Scottish Highland Games this past weekend and my husband went to the Games when we already had plans in place for the Spring Fling Horse show. I was determined to get to that horse show. I had already missed a few because my horse was lame or the show was rained out. The plan was for my husband to spend the day with our kids while mommy went to the horse show. It was a perfect horse show because the hunter divisions were on Saturday instead of Sunday. My division was in the morning. The kids didn't want to go and I understand if they aren't participating why would they be interested. Frankly, I didn't want to have to keep up with them, so he was going to stay with them. So I ended up having to find a babysitter to watch them so he could enjoy himself with his older son, normally I don't mind. it's just that we already had plans. And it was mother's day weekend. So he did nothing for me. Nothing. He got to do what he wanted. Why should I expect my children to be any different?
I'm thankful for my trainer, Kelsey and her assistant, Michelle for being my cheerleaders. I'm also very thankful for Michaela, who rides Silver and has shown him in upper divisions for being my cheerleader. She is wonderful! Her boyfriend is kind to me. His son likes to ride Silver and has shown him, too. It's nice to have a little group of people to cheer me on because my family doesn't. Most people think my husband is watching the kids when I go to shows but I actually have a babysitter. I hire someone to watch them during church because he is too busy with choir. I think I just depressed myself further. It hurts my feelings. It really does.
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